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Darryl Mobley's Blog - 5 Keys To Happy Relationships
Darryl L. Mobley, creator of the "How To Create A Life Worth Living" system, is a highly sought after marketing, new concepts and business-building consultant, an expert on innovation,
personal branding, work-life balance, and leadership, a magazine publisher and TV/Radio show host, an online entrepreneur, a prolific author and personal development expert, and an international speaker. He publishes the award-winning "How To Create A Life Worth Living" weekly eMagazine with subscribers in all 50 states and around the world. If you're ready to take
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5 KEYS TO HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS
By Darryl L. Mobley
Wouldn’t it be lovely if all of the relationships in our lives were pleasant and fulfilling? Imagine going to work each day and having your boss bring you your coffee, saying,
“I’m so glad you’re here today.” You look down at the note on the desk and see your cubicle-partner’s handwriting neatly displaying the message,
“Good morning! I hope that you enjoy your day here at the office. I know how much you dislike filing, so I made sure all of the filing
was done for the whole week. Maybe you’ll get the chance to leave early now. Thanks for all you do!”
At 3:00 your teenager calls to tell you that he appreciates how much you do for him and asks you if it’s okay if he washes and waxes the car when you get
home. When you walk through the door at the end of the day, you stop for a moment and breathe in the fresh scent of lemon cleanser and furniture polish.
Your husband greets you with a kiss that takes your breath away and tells you that he came home early so that he could do the dusting and a few loads of laundry. Not only that,
he was treating you to a lobster tail dinner at your favorite restaurant.
Professional achievement without personal fulfillment is a
deceitful bargain
Before you can say anything, the phone rings and it’s your mother-in-law. “Hi, honey,” she says, “I don’t want to bother you. I just wanted to thank you for being such a
wonderful wife to my son and mother to my grandson. We’re so blessed to have you.”
As you sleepily reach across the bed to turn off the bleating alarm, you realize that it’s Monday morning and you’ve just had the most wonderful dream. Before you even sit up you hear your son arguing with your husband about the T-shirt that he wants to wear to school. Putting the pillow over your head only drowns out reality for thirty seconds or so. The week has begun and you’d better gird up. The battles are already underway!
Which Reality is Yours?
Most likely, few of us can identify with the dream scenario, except perhaps during those precious hours when your subconscious takes over and hands you fantasies for your enjoyment. Most of our lives are a bit closer to the reality that interrupts those dreams.
If your personal or professional relationships are less than perfect, take heart in knowing that you’re not alone. However, most of us make the mistake of trying to change all of the people around us so that we can be happier. If that’s your approach, you need to recognize that it’s not going to work. They’re most likely not going to change and you quite simply are not going to be happy.
So what do you do? Well, if you can’t change them, there’s only one thing you can do. As trite as it may sound, you only have the power to change one person – you! If you’re not willing to do that, then Monday mornings aren’t likely going to change much for you as the years go by.
Why Me?
Right now you have two choices. You can either get caught up in the inequity of why it always seems to be you that has to change, or you can go about the business of improving nearly every one of your relationships by making a few simple changes.
Changes for the Better
Right or happy? What is your ultimate desire?
Several years ago I came across this concept and it has been life-changing for me and for my relationships. Richard Carlson, PhD, writes, in his best-selling book, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff,” that one of the most important questions you can ever ask yourself is, ‘Do I want to be right – or do I want to be happy?’” That question and my answer to it has had a profound affect on the way that I've dealt with the people in my life.
If our ultimate goal is to live a happier, more successful life, then letting go of our need to prove ourselves to be ‘right’ all of the time,
can be liberating. So what if your boss believes that the grass is purple. Let her believe it! By not feeling the need to ‘educate’ her on the true color of the lawn, you
have given yourself permission to enjoy the morning without arguing. Isn’t the smile on your face worth not having put out the effort to convince someone of something
that they probably don’t want to be convinced of anyway?
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As Carlson continues, “You don’t have to sacrifice your deepest philosophical truths or most heartfelt opinions, but, starting today, let others be “right,” most of the time!” Try it for a couple of days. Chances are you’ll feel so energized that your desire to ‘argue your point’ will simply fade away!
Who’s keeping score? Who cares?
Do you find yourself paying attention to which one of you, your cubicle-mate or yourself, emptied the shredder? Stop it! If it needs emptying, pick it up, carry it to the dumpster and as you let the confetti fall, let go of your anger over such a petty concern.
Often we waste an enormous amount of energy fretting over whose turn it is, all the while letting our score-keeping rob us of our own happiness. If we tear down our emotional scoreboards, we’ll find that we’ll be more open to having positive interactions with our co-workers, our family members and even our spouses.
At what point did your plans get written in stone?
In order to be truly happy in our relationships, we have to develop some flexibility. This, like all of the suggestions that I am making, takes practice. Dancers and gymnasts aren’t just naturally flexible. They have to do certain exercises to get that way.
Some friends of mine were driving in the country one day when they spotted a mare lying in a field close to the road. She was obviously about to give birth and Sandy wanted to stop and experience this rare opportunity. However, it wasn’t on the schedule for that day, so Joe kept driving. After all, they hadn’t planned to watch a foal’s birth, so the opportunity was lost.
It may sound ludicrous, and indeed it was, but when we get caught up in our own idea of how things should be, we can become so inflexible that we’re actually robbing ourselves, and those around us, of the joy that comes from spontaneity.
If someone criticizes you, who’s to say that they’re wrong?
Just for one day, see what it would be like to actually listen to someone’s criticism of you and respond by saying, “Maybe you’re right. I’ll have to think about what you’re saying.”
Our natural impulse is to defend ourselves when we’re being criticized or when our point of view is being challenged. Would it hurt all that much for you to choose not to defend yourself or your opinion and let someone else voice theirs without interruption? Maybe you can learn something from what they have to say.
By not being lured into an argument, you’ve taken another step toward having a more peaceful and respectful relationship with that person. Breaking negative patterns can be difficult, but the rewards are worth the hard work.
Realize that life is short.
In every encounter that you have with the people in your life, realize that it could be your last one with them. A friend’s 34-year-old husband died suddenly and despite her intense grief, she was happy that her last encounters with her husband were loving ones.
None of us know what will happen tomorrow, or in the next moment for that matter. Without being caught up in morbid thoughts, if we are always aware of the fact that we may never see a person again, our tendency will be to treat them with a gentler and kinder spirit. Ultimately, we’ll find that our relationships are happier and more gratifying than we thought possible.
What is the So-Called Bottom Line?
What it all comes down to is one simple question: Do you want to be happy in your relationships? If your answer is a genuine yes
then you’ll find
following these suggestions to not be at all burdensome. You’ll find a real freedom in letting go of your need to be right, to be rigid and to be defensive. A gentler you will emerge and as a result,
you’ll find that the people around you will start to change as well. Wasn’t that the goal that you had to begin with?
Happiness is a choice – one of the best you’ll ever make. And that's the bottom line.
[If you would like Darryl to speak to your organization on Success and Personal Power, Leadership, Personal Development and Achievement, click on the
Speaking Request button near the top of this page or go to http:www.DarrylMobley.com and click on the appropriate button there. If you want more information on developing your own
Personal Brand contact Darryl using the form at http://www.DarrylMobley.info.]
Choose Success.
Enjoy Life! Remember - You Deserve to Live A Great Life!
Darryl L. Mobley
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